9. Instruct computer to create all female holodeck characters with chastity belts.

8. Make attending Dr Crusher's plays compulsory.

7. Delete Solitaire from the Enterprise computer.

6. Replicators include broccoli with all main meals.

5. Replicators refuse to supply dessert if all broccoli not eaten.

4. Replace Ships Counselor with Klingon Woman.

3. Only allow shore leave on the Planet of Wanton Supermodels for officers.

2. Only allow enlisted men shore leave on Vulcan, or similar funspots.

1. "Attention all hands. Allow me to introduce your new first officer - Commander Wesley Crusher."