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Reading The Sign
"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.
"Well, I went down to Busch Gardens on vacation and decided to take a ride on the Loch Ness Monster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track.
I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said.
By now, I was determined to read that sign, so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view."
"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor.
"Yes," he said sheepishly, "Remain seated at all times!"
Things Mom Taught Me
My mother taught me LOGIC -
"Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me about STAMINA -
"You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you're going to kill each other, take it outside. I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION -
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet!"
My Mother taught me ESP -
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me about GENETICS -
"You're JUST like your father!"
My mother taught me about HAVING FUN -
"Click Here For a Good Time!"
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
One Poultry Joke
A butcher who was having a particularly rough day at work proudly flipped his last chicken onto the scale and weighed it. "That'll be $6.35," he told the customer.
"That really is a little too small," said the woman. "Don't you have anything a bit larger?"
Realizing that he was down to his last chicken, but not wishing to lose the sale, he returned to the freezer, paused for a moment, then took the same chicken back to the counter.
"This one," he said faintly, "will be $6.95."
The woman paused for a moment, then said, "I know what. I'll take both of them."
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Leprechaun Dance
